Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
