so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
