It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
