woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
