I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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