Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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