i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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