let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
