p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
