come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
