careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
