So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
