I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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