Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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