I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
