I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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