the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
