How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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