I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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