I wannas sexs uuuuu
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
