Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
