Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
