You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
