Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
