everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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