Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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