i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
