just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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