Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
