I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm having to shit out rocks
the raccoons are back...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
