There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
