I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
