You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
