Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
