Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
