I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
