You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
