so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
