We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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