Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My vagina just clenched in fear
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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