It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
