people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
