I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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