i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
