omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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