Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
