Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
