yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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