I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
