i think i have two assholes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm really busy with my period
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
