so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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