omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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